I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
3 2 1 whiskey
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
