ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
