I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
