people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
