oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
even my farts smell like vagina
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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