Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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