bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
