Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize