I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
