I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
