I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
