One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
