bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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