You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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