I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
