I didn't shave. On purpose
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
