So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
