Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
