He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
