I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
