Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
sarcasm needs its own font
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Found your dick twin last night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
