Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What drink are we having for lunch?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I want a musical about memes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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