people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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