Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize