First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
