The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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