ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
