i just made my gag reflex go away.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize