as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
