That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
