So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
