When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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