we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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