I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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