Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
