I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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