At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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