Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize