I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize