I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
