I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
