porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
as a side note pls kill me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
