Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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