I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
