Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
