Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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