That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
