We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
