I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
