the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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