it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
