To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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