She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
