I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
