walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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