I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
