yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So vagazzling was a success
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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