its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
