I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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