I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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