It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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