from now on my penis is your penis
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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