woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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