the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
