I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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