evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
