anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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