I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize