i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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