Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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