sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
