He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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