you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I will be naked everywhere
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize