i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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