I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
