I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
